Artemis - Kydd 02 Read online

  And the rain came down. Walls of warm, gusting tropical rain in quantities so huge that it forced Kydd down as though he were caught in a waterfall. Breathing was almost impossible, and he lowered his head to avoid the worst of the water tumbling down on him. Hair streaming, clothes plastered to his body, his mind went numb. It went on and on, the ship trembling and directionless, heading for who knew what inevitable destruction.

  Kydd felt a grip on his arm. Through blurred vision he saw Renzi and, to his astonishment, realised that the man was laughing. He felt anger welling up, an indignant resentment that Renzi was enjoying the experience, no doubt adding it to his store of philosophic curiosities. He tore away his arm and resumed his posture of endurance, but it was no good, the spell had been broken. Reluctantly he had to concede that if modern learning could proof a man against nature's bluster then perhaps it had some merit.

  He looked up again and grinned slowly. The heavens rattled and roared but in some way the storm's sting had been drawn, and within the hour its fury had moderated. The rain petered out, and the blackness began to dissolve, the lightning spending itself in vicious flickers that whip-cracked right across the sky.

  The last of the darkness was passing overhead. Rueful, soaked figures fumbled about on the streaming decks.

  'Haaaands to make sail!'

  Kydd moved to the larboard fore-shrouds and swung himself up for the climb into the foretop. But before he had risen a dozen feet there was a single dazzling flash and a clap of thunder so tremendous that it shook the ship with its concussion.

  Deafened, he clung to the shrouds, shaking his head to clear it. As his eyes tried to adjust to the dark and his ears stopped buzzing he became aware of a commotion on the opposite side. The shrouds there gave off wisps of steam along their length. Still muzzy from the shock of the discharge Kydd couldn't understand. Then he realised - there had been one last spiteful play of lightning, and it had struck the foremast but by chance had passed down the opposite shrouds, to the iron of an anchor and into the sea.

  Trembling at the thought of his near escape from an unspeakably violent death Kydd dropped to the deck and went over to see the results of the strike. The lines of rigging were randomly patterned with steaming black. Above, still clinging to the shrouds, were the silhouettes of three men, ominously still. Others climbed up beside them. There were shouts, high-strung and chilling — Kydd knew with a sinking inevitability what they had found.

  By the light of a lanthorn they crowded round the stiff, discoloured corpses as they were lowered down. Even the eyeballs had burst in the white heat, and the bodies had swollen to grotesque proportions. There was the sound of retching before canvas was brought to cover the indecency.

  Dying rumbles followed the black mass as it fell away to leeward as rapidly as it had approached, leaving the stars to resume their calm display.

  'No, me boy, we sank Africa astern three, five days ago,' said Merrydew. For him the heat was a trial, his corpulent figure sweaty, his movements slow and reluctant.

  Kydd found it confusing. From his barely remembered geography lessons he recalled that Africa was a fat pear shape running north and south. If they were to round its southern tip to reach India, why were they heading away?

  'Because we're makin' a westing, that's why,' the boatswain explained. To Kydd it seemed as nonsensical as ever. Patiently, Merrydew carried on. 'These latitudes, why, much further the wind gives up altogether, none to be had. Bad - we calls it the doldrums. We wants to avoid 'em, so we makes a slant over to t' other side o' the ocean afore it gets too bad. We then crosses the Line into the south half o' the world and slants back with an opposite wind — see?'

  It was wearisome, life in the tropics aboard a frigate. The hardest thing was the intense humidity below decks, only partly relieved by wind scoops at the hatches. The next most difficult thing to bear was the food. Their molasses ran out, and the morning burgoo tasted of what it was, oatmeal months in the sack, malodorous and lacking flavour but for the insect droppings. Quashee did his best with the little store of conveniences, occasionally reaching heights of excellence. In the flying-fish belt he produced a legendary gazy pie, the little fish heads peeping up through the crust all around, and flavoured with hoarded garnishings.

  The wind had been light and erratic for days now, a trying time when the hauling on lines had to be done under a near vertical sun beating down, which blasted back at them from the water.

  One morning the wind died away entirely, the sea disturbed only by a long but slight swell. The heat was close to intolerable, despite the awnings, and the boatswain's red face swelled. The sails hung in folds from the yards, barely moving; the ship, with a sluggish roll, was without any kind of steerage way. Artemis drifted aimlessly in the mirror-like sea.

  Nobody spoke, it cost too much effort. At three in the afternoon, a flaw of wind darkened the water. On the quarterdeck Powlett in his thin, threadbare shirt looked meaningfully at the figure of the Master.

  It was what they had been waiting for. A wind - but from the south-east! They had already reached the winds of the south. The change in spirits aboard Artemis was remarkable. Although they had to wait until evening for the winds to reach a point where the sails began to fill and the rudder to bite, all talk was on the future.

  'Got our slant - gonna be shakin' hands with them Kidderpore fillies in a month.'

  'Hassiiming that we get in afore the monsoon shifts about.'

  Happy chatter swelled, but Petit remained serious as he cradled his pot.

  'Anythin' amiss, Elias, mate?' Stirk asked. His powerful body was, as usual, naked from the waist up, an expanse of damp mahogany muscle.

  'Yes, mate,' Petit replied quietly.

  The talking stopped and the group on the fo'c'sle looked over at him in the lanthorn light. 'How so, cuffin?' Stirk said softly.

  'You knows, Toby, youse a man-o'-war's man an' unnerstands.' Stirk didn't reply, but a frown lined his face. 'Recollect, shipmate, we're in th' south now, and we ain't never had a visit from 'Is Majesty.'

  Stirk's face eased fractionally. 'But o' course,' he murmured. When Kydd looked again he had disappeared.

  It looked as though the wind would hold. The morning breeze had stayed and strengthened just a little, and with the lightest possible canvas spread abroad they were making progress. Powlett stood with his arms folded, squinting up at the undulating sails as they played with the breeze. The Master was next to him, willing on the winds.

  Kydd was tricing up the after end of the quarterdeck awning and could hear the pleased conversations — whatever was in those secret orders, he guessed they must include every stricture for speed.

  The boatswain came aft, and touched his hat. 'Sir,' he said, 'with m' duty, just found this paper near the quarterdeck nettings, thought you'd want t' sight it.'

  Taking the paper, Powlett's face hardened. The ploy was often used to allow crew members to convey discontents anonymously aft. He read on, his expression grim. 'King Neptune? It's a nonsense, Mr Merrydew!' he roared. The boatswain stiffened. 'And a damnable impertinence!' Powlett snapped, and ripped the paper in two. The pieces fluttered to the deck. The boatswain's chin jutted belligerently: the customs of the Sea Service were not so easily to be put aside.

  Turning to the Master, Powlett said loudly, 'Mr Prewse, pray tell us our position.'

  Rubbing his chin, Prewse looked up at the sky. 'Well, sir, near enough . ..'

  'Our position, sir!'

  'Our longitude was thirty-two degree an' seventeen minutes west, noon yesterday.' 'Latitude, Mr Prewse?'

  'An' nought degrees an' fifty-four minutes — north!'

  Powlett whirled back on the boatswain. 'There you are. North. Do you propose, sir, that we enter King Neptune's realm early? That is to say, precipitate, like a damn-fool set o' canting lubbers who can't work a sea position to save their skins?'

  The boatswain's face eased into a smile. 'Aye, sir, we'd best not set His Majesty at defiance!'


  Kydd could hardly wait to relay the conversation to the mess, who were taking their victuals in the shade of the main deck.

  'Yair, well, it's no small thing, mate, to enter hupon his realm,' Petit said portentously.

  Cundall leered evilly at Kydd. 'An' it's bad days fer them 'oo 'aven't been welcomed inta it yet.'

  Realising that he would be made sport of whatever he did, Kydd just smiled.

  Doud's grin was devilish. His gaze slid to Quashee, who winked at him, and he affected a kind, considerate manner. 'Could be the best fer any who don't know the rules to steer a mite clear of the ceremonies,' he told Kydd. "Is Majesty don't stand fer no contempt ter his person.'

  Kydd resolved to be conveniently absent when King Neptune came aboard.

  'Should be hearin' from 'im soon!' Stirk said, his black eyes glittering at Kydd. "Oo is it that ain't been admitted to 'is kingdom, then?'

  That night, at seven bells of the first watch, Artemis was boarded by a messenger from King Neptune himself. Or, at least, a man looking just like a ragged sea sprite and dripping sea-water suddenly appeared before the starboard fo'c'sle lookout from outboard, clambering rudely over the fife rail.

  'What ship?' was demanded, and when the hapless lookout stuttered an answer, he was pelted with a rotten fish. 'Down, yer scurvy shab, make yer respects to one o' King Neptune's crew!'

  The officer-of-the-watch was summoned; it was Rowley. He doffed his hat, and courteously enquired of the stranger.

  "Is Majesty requires of yer a list of all 'oo have not yet bin truly welcomed inter his realm,' the officer was told in lordly tones. By this time curious sightseers had gathered around, including some from the wardroom.

  'Of course,' said Rowley, 'but I beg you, be so good as to take a glass while you wait. A rummer of brandy will, I believe, keep the damp from your bones.'

  Well satisfied but grumbling mightily, the sprite later eased himself over the rail and disappeared.

  On the following forenoon, the masthead lookout hailed the deck. 'Sail, ho! Strange sail right ahead, standin' fer the ship.' 'What ship?'

  'More like a boat wi' a lugsail.'

  Telescopes flashed on the quarterdeck. The boatswain turned importantly to the Captain and said, 'It's very like King Neptune, sir!'

  'Very well,' said Powlett. 'Make ready his carriage — heave to and prepare a welcome, Mr Parry.'

  The boat was secured to the forechains and King Neptune was swayed aboard in a chair suspended from a whip rove at the fore-yardarm, followed shortly by his wife. His courtiers scrambled up the side and quickly took possession of the foredeck. They were a motley crew, rigged in a wild assortment of regalia: coloured rags and old sailcloth decorated with seaweed, seagull feathers and wigs of oakum. The King's conveyance turned out to be a twelve-pounder gun carriage, with a suitably comfortable leatherbound chair lashed to it. Neptune assumed his rightful position, acknowledging the murmurs of awe in regal fashion with his trident.

  Captain Powlett hurried to greet his august visitors, making a fine leg with his gold-laced hat sweeping down. 'Well pleased are we, Your Majesty, that you have deigned to welcome us. Pray accept a glass of Western Ocean punch.'

  Neptune was certainly an imperious sight — a mighty beard of tarred oakum, long, flowing wig, striped toga, a trident and flaring golden crown. The glass was immediately to hand, and after draining it in one, the King addressed the party in a deep, rich voice. 'What ship?'

  'Artemis frigate, s' please Your Majesty,' replied Powlett, in his usual worn shirt, but with his gold-laced cocked hat in honour of the occasion.

  'Whither bound?' demanded King Neptune.

  An expectant hush fell. 'To the far Indee, the land of the peacock and elephant, rubies and gold,' answered Powlett.

  'What do ye there?' Neptune would answer to his shipmates later were he to pass up his chance.

  Powlett's eyes glinted. 'Nothing that would interest the puissant Sovereign of all the Seas!' he growled.

  Neptune's wife adjusted her breasts. 'Now, dear, we mustn't be late for the mermaid's dance,' she said, in a beautiful falsetto that only a singer's voice like Doud's could produce. In her long flowing hair of teased-out manila, cheeks thick with red ochre and petticoat of yellow bunting she drew admiring looks, which she played upon shamelessly. Coquettishly she fingered the King's chain of office, a string of sea-shells, and the crowd roared.

  'Badger Bag!' Neptune thundered.

  His chamberlain stepped forward, an unmistakable hard figure with glittering black eyes under the fish scales and sacking. 'Sire.'

  'Yon land toggies have no respec' for my royal person!' Neptune gestured angrily at the grinning officers.

  Badger Bag reached into his large sack, but there was no need: the officers hurried to render elaborate obeisance to His Oceanic Majesty.

  'Is my court prepared?' Neptune demanded.

  'Of course, Your Majesty,' said Powlett.

  'Then forward!'

  Flogged on by Badger Bag with a rope's end of stout Sargasso seaweed, and with the maximum of horseplay, his courtiers trundled the haughty Neptune aft to the main jeer bitts, where his grand throne of a cunningly sawn large cask took pride of place.

  'Where's 'is sea?' Badger Bag demanded, outraged. Quickly a kid filled with sea-water was brought, and Neptune sat on his throne with a theatrical sigh, able to keep his feet at the very least in his natural element. Western Ocean punch flowed freely — it would be a sad thing indeed if Artemis could not right royally entertain their regal guests.

  Neptune wiped his mouth after his third glass, dislodging his beard somewhat and revealing that his black complexion owed more to nature than artifice.

  'King Neptune is black?' an amused Rowley said to Badger Bag.

  'O' course,' was the reply. "Is Majesty is in mournin' fer his first wife — caught a mortal chill off the Newfie banks, sucklin' their child. 'E's minded ter blockade the Shetlands an' force the mermaids ter suckle the next one.' For his temerity Rowley was struck roundly on the ear with a large fish drawn from the sack.

  'Avast!' bellowed Neptune. 'Bring forth the pollywogs.'

  Badger Bag fumbled in his sack and extracted a parchment. 'Midshipman Titmuss!' he thundered. The youth in question, a dreamy boy with golden curls, was set upon by his assistants, the bears, who hauled him forward.

  'Is this scrawny mortal worthy of entry to my realm?' Neptune demanded.

  'Stands accused of leavin' his mama a-weepin' on land while he sails orf over the briny deep,' Badger Bag said, 'an' seen ter take soft tommy when 'e could've supped on hard-tack,' he continued remorselessly.

  The bears began capering immediately. 'Guilty! Guilty!' they crowed, scampering about the deck.

  'Hold!' Neptune said. 'In m' mercy, he shall be admitted - but not in them there awful whiskers! Shave 'im!'

  The golden down could hardly be termed whiskers, but nevertheless a blindfold was clapped on and the youth frogmarched to the after end of the quarterdeck, where a huge canvas tub of sea-water waited. He was guided to a chair on the edge of the tub. A bucket of water was dashed into his face, and the bears set to work with large wooden razors and carpenter's paste mixed with rancid butter. The youth struggled and yelled in desperation, but it only resulted in his mouth being choked with more of the foaming paste. At the height of his struggles, the chair was tipped over and the victim tumbled into the water.

  Others were summoned and given summary justice, varying in their reactions from resignation to fighting like tigers, but all ending the same way, water flying everywhere and not least upon the bystanders.

  Neptune sat back enjoying his judgements, but suddenly he stood up and nourished his trident. 'That man there!' he said, pointing at Lieutenant Parry. 'He smiled!'

  Knowing looks were exchanged. The dour Parry was tight and grim in his dealings, humourless to a degree, but contempt of court could not be lightly dismissed — this would be interesting.

  'Therefore he must be sick!' The court
fell about in laughter. 'Summon my doctor!' An elderly bear, slightly the worse for wear and Western Ocean punch, swayed forward. 'What have you ter cure 'is mullygrubs?' Neptune ordered.

  The bear blinked and then leered, pulling out a dark green bottle. 'This'll cure anythin', sire.'

  The bears closed in. Party drew himself up, his jaw hard. 'Enough - hold your nonsense, you swabs.' To the bears, who had seen him enjoy the torments of others, this was an invitation. Parry looked despairingly at Powlett, who seemed suddenly interested in the condition of the mizzen staysail downhaul.

  'Sir!' he called, but it ended in a yelp, as he was borne to the deck by weight of numbers, and to the cheers and delight of the court was helped to liberal doses of 'saline'.

  The jollity increased. Buckets of water, strategically placed in the rigging and operated by a twine trip-line, ensured that those looking to escape by keeping clear of the scrimmage received attention as well.

  From his hiding place in the forepeak, Kydd thought the world had gone mad. Sitting cramped on smelly sea stores in the stifling heat, he heard the roars and unknown thuds and rushes overhead. At least he felt safe where he was, a place kindly suggested by Doud: the only entrance was through a small hatch. When a thump of feet sounded above he waited for them to pass but the hatch was thrown open and four bears with evil grins looked down on him. What Kydd hadn't reckoned on was the jigger tackle they had brought, which made easy meat of hauling out their victim.